i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
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