Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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