my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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