my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
