i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
