Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think my vagina is haunted
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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