Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
