I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
