This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
