Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
