if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
