we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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