I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
