you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
