So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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