He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
