ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize