Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
