Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
