so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
