i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
