I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
