I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
