idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
