Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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