i don't like sucking hair
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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