So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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