On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize