I puked a lego.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
