Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
