i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
