If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
