I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Sober January is a disaster.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
