i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
