Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
