anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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