Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
