Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize