The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
