Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
