and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
