Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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