Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
