I feel like I'm in dance class right now
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
