I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
