she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im holly from the hills drunk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
