I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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