he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize