she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
