Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
