there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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