don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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