Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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