so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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