She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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