Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize