You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
