turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
