Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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